Dinner Party Dialogue

In The Dinner Party, the women who met to discuss their lives, their questions, and their perceptions and experiences—particularly related to feminism/intersectionality— mentioned how a fear of judgment and condemnation often causes women to keep silent about important topics. This silence stems from prior experiences with discriminatory and oppressive attitudes. The text reads:

"We simply want to demonstrate the difference between being paralyzed by silence, shame, or self-blame, and that not inly is a girl with an STD or an unintended pregnancy not alone, she is one of millions. Even if people don't judge a woman who has a sexually transmitted disease— or one who is depressed, bulimic, has been raped or sexually molested, chooses to sleep with a lot of people, ends an unwanted pregnancy, or brings a child into this world despite her poverty— that woman is still certain that the rest of the human race will condemn her."(Baumgardner, Richards 28)

Later in the chapter, the authors discuss the issue that men often fail to take accountability for their actions regarding sex, consent, birth control, and awareness of any STIs that could affect their partner. The responsibility falls on women to do or know these things, sometimes impossibly, and if they fail to do a perfect "job" the blame falls on them as well. Similarly, rape culture is a pervasive societal belief that it is a person's job to prevent rape, rather than not to commit rape. And, if a person (most often a woman) fails to take all often-contradictory precautionary measures, the rape is their fault— or it was not rape at all.

This is an increasingly discussed topic in the media and on social networking sites, and this video demonstrates how theoretical trends and belief systems can change or even end a person's life.

In my opinion, this social norm is one of the roots of rape culture. These impossible standards end up blaming the victim, which enforces profoundly damaging shame, self-blame, and silence. Of course, this is not an exclusively female issue, but I would encourage all of us to consider two salient points. First, this is not a women's-only problem, but it is an overwhelmingly female one. Second, among male victims, the pressure that leads to silence often stems from the fear of emasculation or a revocation of status as male. This exemplifies one of the ways that patriarchy's oppressive reach is not confined to one social group— the rigidity of standards, extreme rejection of those who do not fit a very precise mold (straight, white, middle/upper-class male), and definitions of masculinity that incorporate violence and domination are damaging to all people. This is why feminism is necessary for everyone— not just to obtain equal rights for all people, but to reconstruct the social order in a way that does not require oppression to function.